Wednesday, 6 March 2013

Sex Is A Human Right - Since When?

Marriage Is About A Whole Lot More Than Sex.

An author of a recent article really ticked me off with his archaic, and old fashioned attitude. You’d think we live in the dark ages according to this bloke; obviously he’s not from my country, Australia; or the United Kingdom (UK) or the United States, (US), but I will endeavor to do some more research on these so-called laws when I’m done writing this huge rant.

We Have No Right To Violate Someone's Rights'

I have never heard of a court where you can go and complain to a judge that your wife is not giving out sex. I never heard something so ridiculous. Perhaps this happens in some countries, but not here where I live. Perhaps this gentleman’s country is different. I read something the other day about a French man being fined for with-holding sex, so these laws might be so in some other parts of the world. But, then he goes onto say that sex is a right and being denied your conjugal rights can end up in court. This has to be a law of a country that I just don’t understand and because I live in Australia, probably the luckiest country in the world, I don’t want to. I could never get my head around rights like that, because these rights violate another's rights.

Sex is not a right. No-one, even in a marriage has the right to demand sex from their spouse. They can try; but in Australia he or she would told to run away quickly and that’s putting it nicely. I suppose if sex is a right then a horny man can just rape his wife, or some woman walking down the street. It seems like this would be a logical choice if sex is your right; as you say.

An Acceptable Excuse For No Sex Is If You're Dying

The writer says that the only excuse acceptable is terminal illness. What about physical injury; chronic pain; serious illness? Do you expect a person to just make love to their spouse no matter how sick they feel or how much pain they are in? This is a violation of a human right. Denying sex is the injured or ill person’s God given right. And what about tiredness and exhaustion or that your spouse simply does not feel like it, all of that is their right also.

 Fairy Terns Mating - CommonsWikiMedia

Different Customs And Law

His customs may be different to mine and so might the laws, but he wrote this article for an online magazine, that is displayed on the world wide web, if a writer is going to make statements about rights and laws, then he should  tell us what country he is from, and use a reference to back up the claims he is making. 

People from California don’t want to read an article saying that they need to give their spouses sex or it could end up in court. My family and friends in Sydney, Australia don't need to read online that they could be sued for not dishing out sex. This writer needs to back that up with evidence that this is a violation of the law in the US or whatever legislation you are referring to. If it is a violation of the law in another country, the country where he lives, then make that clear. Sweeping generalizations about the world will get people’s backs’ up. If someone is going to write articles for the English speaking population, then it is imperative that they source the articles with the relevant laws to back up what their claims. And the writer needs to state if they are talking about their country of origin and customs.

World Map -

Thoughts On Repairing A Sexless Marriage

The advice I would give a couple in a sexless marriage would be the following: A sexless marriage is serious and if it is causing a problem in your marriage then it simply must be addressed. The couple needs to talk about why it’s happening and what they can do to resolve things. If it is an illness or injury; something they have no control over, then this is as equally frustrating as the problem itself. Both partners will not like this situation one bit and won’t want it to continue any longer than is necessary.

Blaming, accusing and trying to manipulate your partner into sex will not help. Chances are if this kind of rubbish has been going on, the partner who is not wanting sex, will want it even less. And it could be either partner, however in most marriages the complaint of not enough sex usually comes from the man. Blaming your partner for this situation will make it worse; you can’t imagine how long you will go without sex if you keep fighting and bickering with your partner because you are sexually frustrated. He or she will think it’s all about you; and refuse to even try. And you will sit there and wonder why this is happening. If you cannot be compassionate and take your partners feelings into consideration, then solving this enigma will be a nightmare. You must put yourself into their shoes; especially if you want the same consideration from your partner.

Don't Threaten Divorce Or Have An Affair

Such a stupid thing to do, especially if your love your spouse and you don't mean it. Telling your husband or wife that you are violating their rights of sex in the marriage will do nothing to endear you to them either. If that were someone in my country, they would laugh until they cried. Threatening divorce or to leave the relationship will also push you further apart, you will be lucky if your spouse can trust you now. They won’t bother with someone who threatens to leave, and this all leads your marriage to a really dysfunctional, unhealthy place where you just do not want to be. You don’t want to leave and not getting enough sex or missing out on sex is not a good enough reason to rip apart your family and file for divorce. But you may have just put that choice in the hands of your spouse if you cheat or threaten them.

It' actually quite pathetic and what’s worse than threatening divorce is threatening to have an affair. Your spouse will never trust you again after that; let alone show affection or have sex with you. And for those spouses who actually follow through and have the affair; one wonders if you ever loved this person? Cheating is wrong, and we promise to forsake all others in our marriage vows, so if you cheat, then expect your spouse to never trust you again. He or she may forgive you, but they will never forget. Even if they decide to save the marriage and stick by their vows; the trust will never be the same.

Sanctify Marriage -

An Affair Will Make The Problem Worse

If you would rather have an affair than do the hard work of figuring this out and reaching a healthy compromise in the relationship then this is up to you. But an affair will likely destroy most of what’s good in your marriage. Unfortunately it’s all too easy to run around and get your sexual desires satisfied than it is to work alongside your partner to bring a happy solution. Good things don’t always come easy to us, and in marriage sometimes a lot of effort is needed to be happy. Not working on your marriage and running off with someone else will never solve your problems; you will take those problems into your next relationship.

Beware of Trap -

Francis, K. Githinji wrote that a marriage without sex is not the full package but I beg to differ; marriage can be just as fulfilling without sex if the partners' choose it to be that way. Whatever the reasons they choose this is no-one’s business but theirs. Most of us want sex in our marriage; we see it as a part of our relationship that enables us to connect in an extremely unique way. But if it is taken away; whether within our control or not, how we deal with this problem is paramount to solving it.

Seeing This Dilemma From Both Sides

Just to clarify; I have been on both sides of the fence and both of my relationships ended; not by my hand either. My solution to both situations would have been work it out, as both relationships were worth fighting for. As it stands now; I am not so sure about that. A sexless relationship; let alone a marriage would not be reason enough for me to desert someone I've made a commitment with. But that's merely my opinion, I do not believe in giving up, especially when I've made a commitment, plans and promises to another person.

Don't Judge Your Spouse -

Sexless marriage may be grounds for a divorce legally which is a different kettle of fish. It is so in some states of the United States, and in Australia too, however it is more commonly known as alienation of affection or withdrawal of affection and some judges may suggest that couple seek counseling, particularly if one spouse is contesting the divorce. So far my research has not turned up anything that says denying your spouse sex is illegal; however in some customs or countries this may be the case.

Divorce Will Bring Loss; Fixing Your Marriage Is A Win

Obviously there are times when you may need to leave your marriage; your kids may be adults, and you both do not love each other anymore. You must also remember that just because the children have grown, does not mean you get to stop protecting them, divorce rips our kids apart whether they are minors or grown ups. So make sure you have exhausted all possibilities of love and sex re-entering your marriage before you file for divorce; with divorce you will lose in some way; with the marriage, if you focus on rebuilding what is broken you just might win and things might be better than they ever were.

When all is said and done it will come down to how responsible couples are prepared to be. The problems requires both spouses to take it seriously. No wife should ever dismiss her husbands needs and no husband has the right to ignore his wife's needs either. It will involve hard work and the benefits of this could mean more sex will come into your lives. If you don't try, you will never know how it could have been.


What Is The Fate Of Marriage Without Sex? Article by Francis, K Githinji

Copyright © 2013 Janelle Coulton

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