Marriage Is About A Whole Lot More Than Sex.
An author of a recent article
really ticked me off with his archaic, and old fashioned attitude.
You’d think we live in the dark ages according to this bloke;
obviously he’s not from my country, Australia; or the United
Kingdom (UK) or the United States, (US), but I will endeavor to do
some more research on these so-called laws when I’m done writing this huge rant.
We
Have No Right To Violate Someone's Rights'
I have never heard of a court where you can go and complain to a judge
that your wife is not giving out sex. I never heard something so
ridiculous. Perhaps this happens in some countries, but not here
where I live. Perhaps this gentleman’s country is different. I read
something the other day about a French man being fined for
with-holding sex, so these laws might be so in some other parts of the
world. But, then he goes onto say that sex is a right and being
denied your conjugal rights can end up in court. This has to be a law
of a country that I just don’t understand and because I live in
Australia, probably the luckiest country in the world, I don’t want
to. I could never get my head around rights like that, because these
rights violate another's rights.
Sex
is not a right. No-one, even in a marriage has the right to demand
sex from their spouse. They can try; but in Australia he or she would
told to run away quickly and that’s putting it nicely. I suppose if
sex is a right then a horny man can just rape his wife, or some woman
walking down the street. It seems like this would be a logical choice
if sex is your right; as you say.
An
Acceptable Excuse For No Sex Is If You're Dying
The writer says that the only excuse acceptable is terminal illness. What about
physical injury; chronic pain; serious illness? Do you expect a
person to just make love to their spouse no matter how sick they feel
or how much pain they are in? This is a violation of a human right.
Denying sex is the injured or ill person’s God given right. And
what about tiredness and exhaustion or that your spouse simply does
not feel like it, all of that is their right also.
Different
Customs And Law
His customs may be different to mine and so might the laws, but he wrote
this article for an online magazine, that is displayed on the world
wide web, if a writer is going to make statements about rights and laws,
then he should tell us what country he is from, and use a reference to back
up the claims he is making.
People from California
don’t want to read an article saying that they need to give their
spouses sex or it could end up in court. My family and friends in Sydney,
Australia don't need to read online that they could be sued for not
dishing out sex. This writer needs to back that up with evidence that this is
a violation of the law in the US or whatever legislation you are
referring to. If it is a violation of the law in another country, the
country where he lives, then make that clear. Sweeping
generalizations about the world will get people’s backs’ up. If
someone is going to write articles for the English speaking population,
then it is imperative that they source the articles with the relevant
laws to back up what their claims. And the writer needs to state if they are talking about their country of origin and customs.
Thoughts
On Repairing A Sexless Marriage
The
advice I would give a couple in a sexless marriage would be the following: A
sexless marriage is serious and if it is causing a problem in your
marriage then it simply must be addressed. The couple needs to talk
about why it’s happening and what they can do to resolve things. If
it is an illness or injury; something they have no control over, then
this is as equally frustrating as the problem itself. Both partners
will not like this situation one bit and won’t want it to continue
any longer than is necessary.
Blaming,
accusing and trying to manipulate your partner into sex will not
help. Chances are if this kind of rubbish has been going on, the
partner who is not wanting sex, will want it even less. And it could
be either partner, however in most marriages the complaint of not
enough sex usually comes from the man. Blaming your partner for this
situation will make it worse; you can’t imagine how long you will
go without sex if you keep fighting and bickering with your partner
because you are sexually frustrated. He or she will think it’s all
about you; and refuse to even try. And you will sit there and wonder
why this is happening. If you cannot be compassionate and take your
partners feelings into consideration, then solving this enigma will
be a nightmare. You must put yourself into their shoes; especially if
you want the same consideration from your partner.
Don't
Threaten Divorce Or Have An Affair
Such a stupid thing to do, especially if your love your spouse and you don't mean it. Telling
your husband or wife that you are violating their rights of sex in
the marriage will do nothing to endear you to them either. If that were someone in my country, they would laugh until they cried. Threatening divorce or to leave the relationship will also push you
further apart, you will be lucky if your spouse can trust you now.
They won’t bother with someone who threatens to leave, and this all
leads your marriage to a really dysfunctional, unhealthy place where
you just do not want to be. You don’t want to leave and not getting
enough sex or missing out on sex is not a good enough reason to rip
apart your family and file for divorce. But you may have just put that choice in the hands of your spouse if you cheat or threaten them.
It' actually quite pathetic and what’s worse than threatening divorce is
threatening to have an affair. Your spouse will never trust you again
after that; let alone show affection or have sex with you. And for
those spouses who actually follow through and have the affair; one
wonders if you ever loved this person? Cheating is wrong, and we
promise to forsake all others in our marriage vows, so if you cheat,
then expect your spouse to never trust you again. He or she may
forgive you, but they will never forget. Even if they decide to save
the marriage and stick by their vows; the trust will never be the
same.
An
Affair Will Make The Problem Worse
If
you would rather have an affair than do the hard work of figuring
this out and reaching a healthy compromise in the relationship then
this is up to you. But an affair will likely destroy most of what’s
good in your marriage. Unfortunately it’s all too easy to run
around and get your sexual desires satisfied than it is to work
alongside your partner to bring a happy solution. Good things don’t
always come easy to us, and in marriage sometimes a lot of effort is
needed to be happy. Not working on your marriage and running off with
someone else will never solve your problems; you will take those
problems into your next relationship.
Francis,
K. Githinji wrote that a marriage without sex is not the full
package but I beg to differ; marriage can be just as fulfilling
without sex if the partners' choose it to be that way. Whatever the
reasons they choose this is no-one’s business but theirs. Most of
us want sex in our marriage; we see it as a part of our relationship
that enables us to connect in an extremely unique way. But if it is
taken away; whether within our control or not, how we deal with this
problem is paramount to solving it.
Seeing
This Dilemma From Both Sides
Just
to clarify; I have been on both sides of the fence and both of my
relationships ended; not by my hand either. My solution to both
situations would have been work it out, as both relationships were worth fighting for. As it stands now; I am not so sure about that. A sexless relationship; let alone a marriage
would not be reason enough for me to desert someone I've made a
commitment with. But that's merely my opinion, I do not believe in giving up, especially when I've made a commitment, plans and promises to another person.
Sexless
marriage may be grounds for a divorce legally which is a different
kettle of fish. It is so in some states of the United States, and in Australia too, however it is more commonly known as
alienation of affection or withdrawal of affection and some judges may suggest that couple seek counseling, particularly if one spouse is contesting the divorce. So far my
research has not turned up anything that says denying your spouse sex
is illegal; however in some customs or countries this may be the
case.
Divorce
Will Bring Loss; Fixing Your Marriage Is A Win
Obviously
there are times when you may need to leave your marriage; your kids
may be adults, and you both do not love each other anymore. You must also remember that just because the children have grown, does not mean you get to stop protecting them, divorce rips our kids apart whether they are minors or grown ups. So make sure you have exhausted all possibilities of love and sex re-entering your
marriage before you file for divorce; with divorce you will lose in
some way; with the marriage, if you focus on rebuilding what is broken you just might win and things might be better than they ever were.
When
all is said and done it will come down to how responsible couples are prepared to be. The problems requires both spouses to
take it seriously. No wife should ever dismiss her husbands needs and
no husband has the right to ignore his wife's needs either. It will
involve hard work and the benefits of this could mean more sex will
come into your lives. If you don't try, you will never know how it could have been.
Source:
Copyright © 2013 Janelle Coulton
Further reading:
Janelle Coulton; Hubpages
Janelle Coulton; Bubblews
Whitney Rose; Helium
Janelle Coulton; Wikinut
Janelle Coulton; Triond
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